How To Eat Blueberries With a Toothpick

Turning a toddler and a preschooler loose with a plate or bowl and an eating utensil can be scary.  Kiss the clean outfits good-bye and charge the Dustbuster batteries.  Place a clean, damp rag at the ready.  Not only is this not going to be pretty, it is about to transform your kitchen into a Better Homes and Gardens reject.

I have also noticed that when I set said plate or bowl in front of said children, I will often do so with a demonstration accompanied by instructions like these:  "Use the spoon to scoop the mashed potatoes. Use the fork to poke your meat." 

Yesterday afternoon Sooby and Pooh decided they wanted a bowl of blueberries.  Correction:  Each one wanted his or her own bowl of blueberries.  My little ceramic porcupine with toothpicks for quills sat close by, so I handed each child a toothpick.  After a couple days with the kids, I am in the mood for eating utensils that are disposable.

In my best Food Network style, I put down the berry bowls and launched into instruction mode.  Four easy steps (or so I thought):

1. Hold the toothpick like a pencil.
2. Poke the middle of the blueberry.
3. Eat the blueberry off the toothpick.
4. Repeat Steps 1-3 until all the blueberries are gone.

It didn't take Sooby and Pooh long to revise my list of steps as follows:

1. Hold the toothpick in your fist.
2. Poke your brother or sister, simultaneously if possible.
3. Eat your sibling's blueberries whenever possible.
4. Lay the toothpick down, and squeeze the blueberries with your thumb.
5. Run your thumb through your hair.
6. For a change of pace, gobble the blueberries from the bowl like a doggie.
7. When you tire of barking and panting, use your toothpicks to hit a blueberry back and forth on the table. 
8. If (no, when) the berry falls off the table, step on it.  For maximum effect, wait until several berries have hit the floor, and then step on them all.
9. Eat the squashed blueberries off your foot.
10. Give Googie a blueberry kiss.  Then, she will not look so mad.

A few more episodes like this, and the kids should be ready to host their own food show.  I, on the other hand, will be upstairs filling the bathtub.