Monster With a Halo

The other day Pooh informed his mother that his guardian angel is a monster.  She took the news in stride.  "Well," she mused in her best philosophical manner, "this explains so much." 

I myself am fascinated that Pooh would say this.  It makes me wonder what is churning around in that little two-year-old brain of his.  Is he thinking "monster" like in Beauty and the Beast?  Is he thinking "monster" like Grover and the gang on Sesame Street?  Is he imagining a little invisible Shrek or Elmo  wandering around with him, keeping him out of harm's way?

If so, where was this guy when Pooh slammed his thumb in the door or dropped the toybox lid on both his hands?  You have to wonder what good a guardian monster is if he shirks on the job.

And let's consider the mother's comment.  Does this mean she thinks Pooh is somehow like a monster himself?  Let's examine the evidence.

Does Pooh look like a monster?  Hardly.  Rather, he is cherubic, with shaggy blond hair, huge blue eyes, and eyelashes that will make girls jump off bridges in the year 2025.  Does he smell like a monster?  Only once in a while.  Admittedly, the potty training suffers an occasional relapse.

Does Pooh sound like a monster?  Sometimes, I guess.  Let's just say that, as the middle child between two sisters, he has learned to assert himself.  For instance, if Sooby is building a Lego creation and Pooh thinks it is time for her to share, he will hurl himself into it while screaming like a banshee.  His mother sees this as unacceptable; I see it as a survival tactic.

Does Pooh act like a monster?  Now here is where we encounter true shades of gray.  But again, I blame any slightly inappropriate behavior on the Terrible Two's or, again, Middle Child Syndrome.  Plus, Pooh is much smaller for his age than the girls.  He is clearly outsized and outnumbered.  We are talking self-defense here.

It stands to reason, then, that Pooh is indeed influenced by a guardian monster.  It is this monster who tells him to grab a piece of chicken first or hoard numerous grapes or kernels of popcorn under his hand in his own little pile.  Dutifully and faithfully, the monster protects him from the ever-present threat of passive anonymity and helpless dysfunction.

Pooh knows this instinctively.  He understands the reality and the necessity of having a monster for a guardian angel.  It is the rest of us who have to stop and figure it all out.